≡ Menu

Top Ten Signs You Might be in a Gifted Relationship

186 Flares 186 Flares ×

Throughout my work with individuals, couples, and families, I have found that my clients feel incredible relief when I empathically express that I understand their exasperation. In my personal life, I have contributed to and received similar exasperation… so I get it.

And I have told many families with gifted children, “This intensity may be tough for years to come, but you will at least have a cool kid to have dinner with.” With both parental relationships and romantic relationships, there is a corresponding hope of light and lightness after a dark and heavy journey.

Inspired by a conversation with my partner Sara (who happens to be a life coach for gifted adults) about how to support clients in relationship, we worked together to draft a list of indicators that the characteristics of giftedness are impacting your relationships. The list below is geared towards couples, but I trust that it may also reflect the dynamics of some parent-child relationships:

10. You tremble to admit that you have considered what it would be like to have a less intense, but cool-enough partner or child.

9. For perhaps the first time in your life, you can talk to somebody for hours and hours and never get bored.

8. Words expressed in anger have a ringing poetry that simultaneously infuriates and compels you.

7. You are right, and you care, but for the first time in your life you are contemplating letting go.

6. You are wrong, and you know it, and for the first time in your life you are contemplating letting go.

5. You can foresee this person’s place in your life and household as incredibly joyous, if you don’t lock them out beforehand.

4. After a ridiculously challenging fight, you want to talk and vent to somebody who really gets you… and the only one for the task is the person with whom you just fought.

3. You are having new thoughts with increased depth, clarity, and simplicity.

2. You have a renewed perspective on your developmental potential, and you feel more driven than ever to pursue your passions.

1. This person brings out the best in you and the worst in you, and you have no idea how to reconcile that complexity.

Now I’d love to hear what you think. Any of these resonate? Let me know in the comments below!

{ 15 comments… add one }
  • Jo Aldridge October 6, 2013, 3:38 pm

    This is good stuff!!

    • byamtich October 7, 2013, 7:58 am

      Mostly good, often difficult, but I wouldn’t (and at any rate, couldn’t) have it any other way 🙂

  • Jade Rivera October 6, 2013, 5:48 pm

    This gave me chills; number four particularly. Excellent work, Mr. Yamtich!

    • byamtich October 7, 2013, 8:02 am

      Yay! Number four was Sara’s. It’s always fascinating when it happens, the intensity, likely pain, then it isn’t quite resignation or surrender, but at some point you sit down and figure it out.

      • Sara Harrier October 7, 2013, 11:01 am

        Aw, Bob is being generous. Number 4 was a joint effort; I just made sure the sentence didn’t end in a preposition. 😉

  • marymartin417 October 7, 2013, 5:39 am

    Wow, Bob… This one touched me like no other. I can’t wait to talk to and see both of you in a month- love you,

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Kristie March 14, 2014, 10:58 am

    What if you think you and your son are the gifted ones in the family which leaves your husband in the dust because he can’t understand how a gifted mind and Entelechy personality works?

    What do you mean when you say you can work with some one? I am curious as to how you can help a family.

    I have read many of your blogs and find them interesting. You have a great perspective.

  • Brynja April 11, 2014, 3:31 am

    I can’t wait to see your lists. My relationship is very similar to yours and Sara’s, with the caveat that I am in your shoes and my SO is in hers, personality wise. Also, #4 (as I scroll up and see everyone else liked that one too).

    • byamtich April 13, 2014, 11:10 pm

      Thanks for the reminder, Brynja! I got so caught up in “this is how it is” reflection that I forgot plans to share ideas for improvement. It’s perfect timing, since we are fine-tuning our wedding vows for this Saturday. A transition from “Yeah, You’re in a gifted relationship” to “You are now in a married, gifted relationship. Whatcha gonna do about it?”

  • Nicole November 6, 2014, 7:17 am

    Oh yes! #1 definitely gets better with time. Nodded my head for most. #4 as well. I’m the talker and he is the I need my space. We have negotiated this one and now I’ll give him some time but not the days he’d like. Lol. And we’re able to work through it pretty quickly. It’s taken yrs to get here but I think we’ve found our balance. And thankfully it’s not that often anymore. Great post!

    • byamtich November 6, 2014, 1:24 pm

      Thanks! Every couple has to figure out their own space-talk continuum.

  • Roberta February 16, 2015, 6:59 am

    All but 10. I like having a partner who is at my level. Been together since 1988 and married 25 years in June. Both of us are twice exceptional and we have 2E kids that I think are more gifted than we are. Life’s always interesting in my family. All of us have AD/HD, I have mild Asperger’s and my son has more severe Asperger’s.

    • byamtich February 16, 2015, 8:27 am

      Hi Roberta! Thanks for your comment. I’m so happy that #10 didn’t land for you; glad you enjoy being on the same level with your partner. 25 years approaching- happy anniversary in June. I wrote another article that I hope can count as empathy, even if all people involved are neurominorities. “Dear Neurotypical Woman Who Loves an Aspie Man” can perhaps partially apply in multiple directions.

Leave a Comment

186 Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 186 Pin It Share 0 186 Flares ×