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Are my needs impostors?

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Every election, every moment of choice, has at stake a constellation of human needs. Some are more obvious (perhaps love and safety), and some are more obscure.

Many universal human needs are inventoried by Nonviolent Communication creator, Marshall Rosenberg; the Chilean economist and environmentalist Manfred Max Neef categorized needs as well. Abraham Maslow put them in a pyramid. Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski encouraged us to climb beyond the pyramid and take our developmental potential, intensities, and drive to rise to our highest possible selves.

Anna Freud and Annemarie Roeper trumped them all by working for children’s lived expression of freedom. They were pioneers in acknowledging and transforming adult privilege.

And you know that sense of being understood? That moment when you audibly exhale with relief? Somebody gets it. They get you. You are okay.

That sensation is related to your need to be heard. Perhaps you never even realized you had such a need!

It can be hard to have self-connection and self-awareness if you don’t know all the needs available.

You may face a moment with constrained choice due to circumstances, and you may have limited ability to see a positive solution. And sometimes needs can have their own type of impostor syndrome; you can’t work for what you can’t envision.

I want for you and your family to have clarity of purpose, a sense of being known and understood, and a delightful easy flow of participation in the world.

Your needs are not impostors.

They belong, and you belong, but you may need a little help getting to know each other. It always helps to have caring support as you explore your deepest longings and values; newly connected needs can have some edge to them.

And in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you. What is one of your favorite practices for increasing self-awareness and self-connection?

{ 9 comments… add one }
  • Pamela @RedWhiteandGrew December 16, 2014, 11:20 pm

    “Your needs are not impostors.” Such a validating sentence. Great post, my friend.

    • byamtich December 17, 2014, 3:55 am

      Yay! Thanks Pamela. I was hoping you would like it.

  • Caitie December 17, 2014, 12:15 am

    Yes to this:
    And you know that sense of being understood? That moment when you audibly exhale with relief? Somebody gets it. They get you. You are okay.

    That’s SUCH a great feeling!

  • Corin Goodwin December 17, 2014, 2:29 am

    That’s why you rock, Bob. Because our kids deserve adults in their lives who *get* them, too.

  • Debi @MomOnMars December 17, 2014, 6:20 pm

    “You may need a little help getting to know each other.” What a delightful sentence! We have been taught so long to not be needy in our fiercely independent culture, I think we’ve lost that connection within ourselves.

  • byamtich December 17, 2014, 7:57 pm

    It’s like teaching somebody not to be hungry! Sure, you listen to your body, you self-connect, you evaluate and discern what strategies will best attend to needs, but life is a horizontal axis of time and a vertical axis of needs satisfaction. I gave a workshop in 2007 called Needs Calculus I want to pull out again!

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